Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
