all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
