I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize