First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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