New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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