he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize