You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
