You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
