Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
