Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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