new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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