i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
