so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
