You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can I color on your dick again?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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