Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
