I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
love makes seman taste better
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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