Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize