Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
