Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
