i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Found the puke drawer
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
