he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
