This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is Oprah even human
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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