thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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