We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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