I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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