you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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