Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
