My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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