ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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