I accidentally burped into my bong.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
