My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
