you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
