I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize