I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
