She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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