just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize