my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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