we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
