Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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