so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
