and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
