He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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