I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
