Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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