Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
