Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
