ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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