After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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