Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
