I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
