i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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