Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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