I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
