I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize