the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
