you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
