There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
