HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When did angry sex become our thing?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
