Cold hands, warm shart.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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