the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
