Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
