so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I cut my penus on the lid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
