I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
