Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
