i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize