you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So squirting runs in the family.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
