how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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