i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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