so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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