I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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