Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
