There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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