the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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