i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
