R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
