you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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