yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
