That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
