Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
