i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize