2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
