Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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