So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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