Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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