the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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