We won't sleep together?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize