I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
