I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
