is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
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