ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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