just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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