kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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