Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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