Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
