I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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