So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
