Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
