Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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