i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
