I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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