Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
