super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
