then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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