no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
